Who am I? - Dvar Torah, Parshat Vayechi 2012

Vayechi 2012/5772

Who am I?

Rabbi Neil A. Tow©

I was watching a movie (“Arranged” 2007 – written by Stefan Schaefer), a fictional story, recently about an Orthodox Jewish teacher who becomes a friend to an observant Muslim teacher who are working in the same school in Brooklyn.

In an effort to bring together the 4^th grade class, these two teachers hold a program for them called a ‘unity circle’.  Each student writes a word that describes him or her, tapes it onto his or her shirt, and then one by one each student shares the word with the group.  One student has the word ‘nasty’ on his shirt.  The teachers ask if the other students want to have a student who is ‘nasty’ in their circle. They say no.  A moment later, the student’s friend asks him if he might consider changing his word so he can rejoin the circle.

Who am I?

It is difficult to think of how we might boil that question down into only one word.

If we were forced to choose one word, what one word would we choose?

Let’s think about it for a moment.

With even two, or three, or ten words it might still be difficult to describe ourselves.

In short poetic sequences, Jacob in this week’s parsha describes his sons, describes them in messages that we read as prophecies for the future since Jacob introduces them as “what will befall you in days to come”.

Reuven is ‘unstable as water’, Judah will be praised by his brothers, For Shimon and Levi ‘their weapons are tools of lawlessness’, Dan is a ‘serpent by the road’, Joseph is a ‘wild donkey by the spring, a wild colt on the hillside.’

Do these terms describe the brothers well?  Do they tell us where they are and where they will be later on?  Can the brothers grow out of these descriptions of themselves or are they stuck?

I have observed in the past that Jewish religious thinking does not identify individuals by one moniker, one name, one trait –  just as a teacher is not only a teacher but much more than that, just as any of us are more than the sum of our professional or other activities.  But at the same time, parshat Vayechi helps us realize that although we might well be described, albeit superficially, by a poetic rendering of our character and its impact on our destiny, it is difficult to act through multiple layers of ourselves at the same time. 

Just as it is unsafe to drive, while talking on the phone, eating an energy bar, and disciplining kids in the back seat, it is hard to be accountant and parent at exactly the same time, hard to be a tailor and good friend to someone who is suffering at exactly the same time.

In a given moment, most often, we express one part of ourselves at a time.

And so let us come back to where we started, the unity circle exercise where each person carries one word that represents him or her – and this week, let us choose one word, one part of ourselves, one aspiration, and figuratively wear it, and let it be the filter of our thoughts and actions. 

Maybe it’s listening – I’m going to focus this week on being a good listener, no speaking until the other person finishes, thinking carefully about the other person’s words and gestures.

Maybe the word is God – this week I’m going to look for the spark of God in every person, every animal, every tree, every piece of food I eat.

Maybe the word is peace – I’m going to think peace, foster peace, contemplate peace.

Choose that one word now, take a moment – then let’s allow to it sink in to our mind, into our heart.

And we’ll see where it takes us…