Parshat Vayechi: Do
we know our children, do we know ourselves?
The Jewish and secular New Year is a time of making
resolutions and plans for the New Year.
The only resolutions that are achievable are plans that are realistic,
that follow a reasonable time table, that we have the ability to pursue given
our abilities and resources.
As Steve Martin once said, “You have to set goals for
yourself, something you can achieve, you see, I want to be the all being master
of time space and dimension, then I want to go to Europe.”
Know thyself, the ancient Greek proverb says.
I prefer a variation on the Spanish proverb, dime con quien
andas, y te dire quien eres, tell me who you walk with, and I will tell you who
you are.
Closer to the truth, I believe, is know better how you
relate to the people around you, and you will know who you are.
We learn this lesson from Jacob, now, at the end of his
life, and at the end of Braysheet, The Book of Genesis, as he speaks to each of
his sons in turn and offers each a prophecy, a statement of who they are, who
they may become, in connection with one another, in connection to the land, in
connection to God.
The Rabbis teach us that what Jacob is saying is in fact not
prophecy. The spirit of prophecy
departed from Jacob. He is speaking to
them as a father, as a human being.
Jacob teaches us how to think about who we are, where we
begin in the work of teshuvah, the work of self-renewal, that began three
months ago at Rosh Hashanah. We begin by
seeing ourselves in a web of relationships.
What is the status and quality of each relationship, from the most
distant, our relationship with, say, old friends who live far away and the
status of closer and more complicated relationships, spouse, best friend,
people with whom we are in conflict, co-workers, other relatives.
Jacob uses metaphors, word pictures, and poetry to describe
his children. We might feel so moved and
speak in verse ourselves, or we could simply make a list of people to whom
we’re connected and write a word or two for each line connected us to
them. And then we can possibly add a
question to each line.
It’s in the question that we begin to sense the contours of
our connections – are we on the same page?
Is there something about the conflict that might be coming from us
rather than from the other person? Are
we as active as we think we could be, or are we letting events dictate our
responses?
In Jacob’s final moments, he is showing his family how to
ask these types of questions and encouraging us family to do the same.
Unfortunately, he does not ask the questions of
himself. Jacob has always operated out
of ambition and fear. He has been
alternately passive and devious. We may
be seeing a realization at the end of his life that he’s waited so long to be
reflective he can only help others to do so.
As 2015 begins, as 5775 continues, let’s take this Shabbat
as a moment to draw what Rabbi Lawrence Kushner calls ‘invisible lines of
connection’, and let’s see if we can discover not only who we are but also how
we can do for one another what the Rabbis said Jacob was trying to do, create a
more cohesive human family.
Shabbat Shalom
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