Try to imagine a world in which parents and children are totally in sync, both sides listening and understanding fully the other’s perspectives, no misunderstandings, no false assumptions, no unrealistic expectations of each other.
How likely does that sound?
Pretty unlikely? I agree.
The new generation tends to challenge the previous one, if for no other reason than to establish itself, to feel independent, and to embrace the art, music, and perspectives of the time.
The Haftarah for today, Shabbat Ha’Gadol, the Shabbat before Passover, explains the time when the heart of parents will turn towards children, and vice versa, the hearts of children will be reconciled with parents.
But what is the connection here between parent-child reconciliation and the way Elijah will announce at that time the coming of the Messiah? Wouldn’t we expect a different precursor to world renewal? Maybe something like, nations lay down all arms, end of prejudice, racism, and oppression?
No, the prophet Malachi explains to us the renewal of the world is not something far off in a distant future. It is right there at the Seder table, on Passover, when the conversation about the Exodus happens between generations.
Everything about the Seder is designed by our ancestors to invite us to ask questions, why is it we’re sitting more comfortably tonight than we usually do? Why are we eating this flat crunchy bread? And what’s with the bitter stuff we eat?
The Seder’s underlying message is similar to the message of Malachi, if we can stay in dialogue with each other, we get to know each other, and ourselves, much better than otherwise. If we can share our stories with all our senses involved, then we’ll not only remember the stories better, we’ll also feel like the stories are our own stories and not just the stories of our ancestors.
Whether it’s the Exodus story, or our own personal and family stories, we feel connected to others when we share them. That’s the whole rationale behind the Story Corps project David Isay started at Grand Central in New York back in 2003. Since then, they’ve amassed the largest amount of recorded human stories of all time. This whole project came from a time when David was at Thanksgiving with his grandparents, and their siblings, and he discovered a tape recorder with a microphone and recorded their stories. He noticed how happy they were to share them. Unfortunately, he lost that original tape, but still looks for it every time he returns to the old family home. After Shabbat, go to storycorps.com to listen.
This Passover, and beyond, let’s do our best to draw out the stories, and the wisdom, and experiences of others so we can get to know better even the people we’ve known for a long time. Let’s ask open ended questions and remain curious to discover new perspectives and, hopefully, to build stronger relationships while doing so.
In his commentary to Malachi, Avraham ben Hananya explains the turning of generations toward one another really means the whole world will do teshuvah, a turning of reconciliation, forgiveness, empathy, and striving for a faith in God, and in our unity, that transcends the many ways we feel separated and even alienated from one another.
Our tradition teaches that Passover, the original time of national renewal, can be the hoped for day of renewal as well – if we can open up and share our stories, there will be renewal, understanding, empathy, and hope, even if the age old friction between parents and children continues.
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