Does everyone remember reading in school the book 1984 by George Orwell?
The Party, with Big Brother as the head of it, uses prison room 101 to terrorize people with their worst fear. Anyone being held by the authorities wishes for anything but being taken to Room 101.
It’s no surprise how powerful fear is for all of us. Fear can cause us to become paralyzed, or, on the contrary, to act impulsively and irresponsibly. When we’re full of fear we’re likely to be frustrated, anxious, exhausted, and unable to make good decisions. When we’re full of fear it’s likely others will have more power over us, and we will have less agency in our lives than we otherwise might.
Our tradition teaches us to fear God, but not anyone, or anything else. Fearing God means for us to be aware, responsive, and cognizant of God’s Presence in the universe and also to be careful for our behavior with the idea God may inflict some punishment for misbehavior.
But we moderate our fear of God when we remember about teshuvah, God’s permission for us to be human, to be mortal, fallible, and to recognize our wrongdoings so we can make different choices the next time.
Fear plays an important role in the events of this week’s Torah portion. When Jacob hears Esau is coming toward him with his own entourage, Jacob fills up with fear, despite God’s repeated promises God will protect and guide him safely through life. For the second time, Jacob pleads with God to save him. Already God protected him when left home, and so we’d expect by this point Jacob would have few doubts about God’s promises.
Rabbi Meir Levush, the Malbim, recognizes this dissonance and suggests Jacob has a different type of fear, an unnecessary or irrational fear. Fear that is not based on a firm foundation is still a fear for us. Until we come to terms with it, the fear feels as real as when there is an actual threat.
We’ve all seen this type of fear in some form. I saw it in my children when teaching them to ride a bike, or in fears of going to a doctor’s office.
The Malbim teaches us Jacob himself recognizes the nature of his fear.
He says Jacob recognizes he’s not worthy of God’s salvation since he does not believe in God’s promises. God made guarantees to Jacob’s ancestors, and to Jacob himself regardless of whether Jacob ever sinned at all, and so his own misdeeds should not even have been a concern. For all these reasons, Jacob then turns to practical strategies he hopes will protect him and his family from the enemy he’s created Esau to be in his own mind.
Having faith does not mean we allow others to threaten us. Not at all! We live in strength and honor God in that strength of our hands and our spirit. The Chanukah story is a good example of how physical and spiritual strength are two parts of our faith and relationship to God.
Faith does mean though we realize we cannot control all variables of our lives or of the people or the events surrounding us. And while we may not feel comfortable putting God completely in the driver’s seat, so to speak, at least we can give ourselves the kindness of realizing our limitations and celebrating our strengths.
As for fear without firm foundations, sometimes we can take a leap of faith, or find a way to experience something with a caring other person who talks us through it. Jacob ultimately thinks he’s alone when facing his fear of Esau, and this fear will prevent him from a lasting repair of his relationship with Esau. If he could have overcome his fear of the other, who knows where the story could have led? Maybe instead of Esau’s descendants and Jacob’s descendants being enemies, they could have been civil to each other, or even friendly, and so let’s dedicate ourselves to identifying the fears we have that don’t have a firm foundation -- We never know what difference our overcoming these fears could have on ourselves, on our families and communities – as the great Rabbi Nahman of Bratzlav teaches us, “The whole world is a narrow bridge and the most important thing is not to fear.” Let’s walk the bridge in confidence and strength, together, holding each other up and opening our eyes to our potential for strength, for courage, for kindness, and for the blessings on the other side of fear.
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