Decorum in synagogue - An ongoing conversation

When I took a summer Hebrew class at the Jewish Theological Seminary back in the summer of 1999, I lived in a campus apartment overlooking the Seminary’s quadrangle on 122^nd and Broadway, a peaceful patch of grass and trees in the Morningside Heights neighborhood.  From my window, I looked across the quad at a hallway and in my direct line of vision was the portrait of Solomon Schechter, a bold portrait of the great Rabbi, clothed in dark academic garments, with eyes looking back at me as if to say “It’s up to you now.” 

United Synagogue is celebrating it’s 100^th anniversary this year, 2013, and Schechter was the father of this organization, and he had a vision that amongst other things included a vision of decorum in the American synagogue, a reaction to the way that in some traditional communities one might observe a ‘lack of decorum’, but I am not sure that those communities would all agree on what decorum was or should be.  My teacher Joel Roth taught me that Rabbis at one time made rulings regarding the presence and use of spittoons in shul.  There is the Miami Boys Choir song that includes the teaching, “Asur ledaber bi’shat ha’tefilah,” or as they sing, “Don’t talk, just daven, so your tefilah can reach Hashem.”  There are teachings that focus our attention on the prayers rather than studying other Jewish texts during services.

And at the same time, there is a dynamic tension, a tension between the group activity of prayer and the individual’s kavannah, or ability to focus attention to both the letter and spirit of the prayers.  As we move into and out of group-prayer, we find that some people continue at their own pace. 

And then there are the kids, the kids of all ages who move into and out of the service.  They may sit for a while and participate.  Babies may cry.  Kids may laugh.  What is a congregation to do in order to make the prayer space welcoming for those who are focusing attention on the prayers and the potential distractions of distractions of all kinds? 

The Rabbis also teach that it is important to bring kids to shul so that they learn how to be in shul, how to behave. 

As with many dynamics in Jewish tradition, I do not think there is a good answer to this question that fits in with all communities.  When we lived for a year of study in Israel, we belonged to a congregation in which it was acceptable for the congregation to interrupt the divrey Torah and pose questions or reactions.  Kids roamed freely and one young red-headed girl would sit under the bimah table and munch chips.  Once, even a dog waltzed into the room and then back out again without anyone so much as wondering what or why it happened.

My personal view is that decorum should be a guide rather than a final answer in synagogue.  Children and adults must respect moments when silence and attention are required, but at the same time we should be open and abundant enough to live with some dissonance, some distracting noise, and more lest we alienate the very people we want to include, the very generations we are trying to mold and shape into the future of synagogue goers and leaders. 

A friend of mine once spoke to me after I became upset at the noise made by kids during a service.  He said, “Everyone prays in his or her own way.  I think these kids are praying in their own way.  If we’re upset, it’s our problem, not theirs.”  While there always needs to be balance, in other words, running and laughing during the Memorial prayers and kaddish, during the middle of a Dvar Torah, are inappropriate, this friend I believe is right. 

I am reminded of the many versions of the story that a Jewish person, young or older, a person without Jewish education attends a service and cannot participate in the prayers, but because he or she knows the Alef-Bet, the Hebrew alphabet, the person sings out the aleph-bet during the service as a praise to God, as the best offering he or she has to give. 

I believe the reality is that we need to look carefully and work together on our services so that they are both children and family friendly as well as adult friendly too – we should not assume that these things are mutually exclusive.  I think that 100 years later, on this issue as on many others, Schechter would be willing to continue the effort to creating a more unified and wholly participating people in the same way he did 100 years ago.